Personal Growth can be defined as being comprised of two main components:
- Fixing what needs fixing (healing) in your life
- Enhancing what needs enhancing
Both fixing and enhancing are needed to grow. Both work together – we cannot properly enhance something which is broken and fixing is not required when we just want to get better at something. We must apply the correct tools to each requirement, after determining what is actually needed.
For example, if you burn the top of a cake while baking it, trying to enhance it by covering it with icing will not resolve the burnt part and will be an ineffective enhancement – everyone will notice it is burnt once they bite into it. Far better would be to fix the cake by cutting away the burnt part and then enhance it with the icing.
Often we need to fix, then we enhance until we find ourselves blocked and then we fix again, so we can once again enhance. This is part of being human.
For example, let’s say that you have some trouble with getting people to respect your wishes in certain situations. Every time someone asks you to do something that is beyond what you consider reasonable, inside you get upset, but outwardly you agree with them. Some might say you need to establish proper boundaries, and that would be correct, but more than likely, it would be the second thing to do, not the first.
When we attempt to make sudden changes in how we relate to others, without first determining and fixing whatever is driving us to that situation, often results in new problems, not solutions. It is not uncommon for people to let their feelings about the original problem build up inside and then explode in a manner which does not improve things for them or the others involved.
A more resourceful first step would be to identify how you feel when people make what you consider to be excessive demands. You’d watch yourself in the next situation of that type and notice (and maybe even write down as soon as you could) all the indicators of that experience for you: what emotion(s), feeling(s), thought(s), memories, bodily sensation(s) and image(s) surfaced for you at that time. You’d pay special attention to your total experience of that moment and then you’d be ready to fix anything that needed fixing. Not all indicators need to be fixed, but it is likely some will – those that cause discomfort of some nature.
If in these situations you found yourself getting a tight belly and having a feeling of being out of control, for example, you’d notice them and then fix each one in turn. So long as the fixing method you use is long-lasting, you’d be in a better place to advance. These indicators might be manifestations of some underlying issues around self-worth or self-esteem or some form of internal resistance. Whatever they are, once these get fixed, you are then able to calmly and coolly plan your actions with regards to your boundaries.
The next time this situation occurs, you’d check to see if those same indicators appeared or if new ones appeared. Once you had fixed all the indicators which do not contribute to your successful outcome in that situation, you’d be ready to confidently establish your boundaries without going overboard. You’d also be able to start increasing your self confidence, as those issues of self-esteem would not be sabotaging you. an example of this
If upon reading this text you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, then it is likely that you need to “fix” something (self-esteem, belief system, etc.). Until you do, it might be hard to advance with this sort of work. Accepting your humanness and working with it is not about feeling that you are defective or wrong or responsible for all the problems or stuff like that.
The nice thing is that modern research shows us that the old paradigm of having to spend years of hard work, revisiting time and again the same old issues is pretty much obsolete. Using one or more of the hybrid healing systems can bring about rapid and deep healing.
Your responsibility is to
- accept that you are human
- accept that you can do something about some things
- decide if you want to learn more about how to have a better life
- decide if you want to act upon this knowledge.
So, what is this site all about?
- Showing a simple path you can follow
- Indicating the tools you can use
- Relating the stories of success